Full Bloom

the morning glory

closed

in its tight spirals

the petals

clenched upon themselves

it waits for the morning

light to break through

the warmth enticing

it to open

to the beauty of the dawn

in tight spirals

I spin, closed off

from the Light

clenched upon myself

waiting to be opened

to the dawn, the breaking

glory of a new day...

the sun gently rises

over the horizon

higher it is lifted

until the light spills in

and covers all

the warmth embracing, soaking

into the fragile petals

the morning glory ever so

slowly

begins to stretch

out, begins to

unfold

like a flutter

of an eyelid

as the dreamer

slowly wakes...

in stillness I wait

for the Light

is revealed in its own

Time

that gradual understanding

that permeates the mind

I feel my soul

flutter

in gentle release it begins

to unfold

spreading out, reaching

for that Light

opening up to its

glory

the splendour of its

beauty

is reflected in the flower's

full bloom

bursting forth

it trumpets out

like a cup, empty

ready to receive

the Light

pouring down

in bright, shining

glory

I feel that flutter

as the dream recedes

and I open my eyes

unto the Light

I wake to the glory

the dawning comprehension

of a permeating Love

brighter than the sun

In its Light

I open

stretched out to receive

the glory and the beauty

poured down

in full bloom I stand

In the Light

the glory trumpets out

its sound

pours over the morning's

soft renewal

the sound of glory sung

in the Light

as the new day dawns

in my eyes

as they open to the Light

open to the beauty

of His Love spilled out

over me

spilled out to cover all

in Love, in Light

I live my life

in full bloom

In Your Name

it was never You

that did me harm

it was never You...

beating me down, breaking my mind

telling me I was born

worthless, ashamed, dirty, impure

unable to be

anything but evil

without You...

it was never You

but it was done

in Your name

it was done in Your name and so

blow by blow, all I could see

was Your face

all I could see was Your face

and so I believed

it was You

and my heart was left

broken

and the rage poured in

and I screamed

and I haven't stopped

since

I scream and the pain

bleeds my soul

my mind was broken, I succumbed

I became what was beaten

into me

and I was born

again, in Your name, but

it was never You, and

my heart was left broken

The rage poured in and I screamed

All I could see was Your face

it was never You that did me harm

...but all I could see

was Your face

blow by blow I saw Your face

and I scream

I scream into rage and I see

I see Your face

as You stand over me

Covering me

from the pain

You cover me as I'm beaten

over and over again

And all I can see is Your face

Pleading with me

to give You the pain

Begging me to let You

take the beating

from me

All I can see is Your face

You take the beating

and the rage

You take the screams, the pain

You take it from me

You take it away

and I succumb

finally, In Your Name

It is done...

and my heart is left beating

once again

in You

Meant to Be

I'm looking for that girl

I was

a long long time ago.

She came and stayed with me

a time

back when my mind

was broken.

Except, I didn't

recognize her for who

she really was.

I thought she was part

of that brokenness,

just another

mind game...

But she was

that girl I had lost

so very long ago

that girl I was always

meant to be

that girl that was lost

in condemnation and

disdain

lost in self-righteous rage

she sits in the back

of the chapel, and she sings

“You Are My Hiding Place”,

she says the prayer over and over

making sure it is

sincere

she sees God in a speck of dust

she knows that God

is near

she is confused at their conviction

Why do they say “filthy rags”?

Why do they assume worthlessness?

She never did them harm

she always trusted and

believed...

she always was

sincere

Broken.

My mind was broken over and

over, until it was

sincere

this game my mind

played inside my head

suddenly was real.

It was their words

only that I could hear

it must have

gone on

for years...

she was always full

of compassion

she really knew how to smile,

laugh, hug... trusted,

and believed

she always was

sincere

In my brokenness, I found her

but I could no longer

trust, no longer see

that she did not belong to them

she never had

so I lost her once again

she sits in the back

of my mind and she sings

“You Are My Hiding Place”

she knows that God is near

and slowly, I begin

to hear her voice

again, to see her smile

She is the girl

I was meant to be

You kept her safe for me

in Your embrace, in Your eyes

of Love, I see her there

happy and smiling and whole.

She always knew You

she always knew

You are still right here

despite the confusion, the rage

the disdain

despite the brokenness, the fear

the pain... You are still

right here.

It's like a shift

in vision

a fine tuned adjustment

the mind aligned once more

shattered glass fused together

to form that one true mirror

yet again

a reflection of a vision

absolute and clear

a vision through eyes eternal

a vision of Love

made whole

You kept her safe

and happy

smiling, we are whole

In Your Eyes

I see Love, Compassion

I see the girl I lost

resting in Your arms

I see her at last

for who she really

is...

She is Yours

She belongs

to You

She always has

...I always have

I've always been safe

in You

Kiss of Breath

like a butterfly

newly emerged from its

confinement

the chrysalis broken

being swept away with the wind

the butterfly's wings

too wet to fly

it sits still and waits

for the wind

that gentle caress

that expectant kiss

of breath blown softly

through the trees

and it dries the butterfly's wings

to soar through the sky in the sun

brings such joy, exhilaration

with the wind gently lifting

the butterfly higher

and higher above

the trees so small below

and everything so peaceful

like a butterfly newly emerged

from my confinement

I sit still and wait

for the Wind...

Illumination

that moment

when you finally

believe

everything you've ever

known...

this wall was so high, so strong

so powerful, it was

built with a purpose

it was built to never

fall

it had withstood barrage upon

barrage

it had held back fire and storm

but it was always a deceit

an illusion of protection

it was good for nothing

but holding in

the pain

the anger

the fear

holding in isolation

it went all around, encasing

in darkness, locking

me into its cell

a prison of my own

making

and nothing could make it

fall

but a wall is only as good

as its foundation

...the pain, the anger, the fear

were holding it up so long

they seemed to me the very earth

beneath me

and then the rain began to fall...

into the earth so dry, so thirsty

desperate for water's relief

the rain slowly trickled down

saturating the ground beneath

the rain perpetually dripping

deep into the earth

each drop soaking, softening

loosening that foundation

beneath the wall

it started to shift

it moved ever so slowly

the wall creaked, it trembled

in time, it slanted down

in the wall a crack

had formed, ever so gently

a single ray of light

cut its way through

piercing

into the darkness

into the cell I'd been

locked in

for so long...

I followed the light, I saw

the space illuminated

around me

and what I saw

shook me

to my very foundation

I saw You

standing, waiting

You

always there beside me

in the darkness of my captivity

in the isolation of my pain

You

were always the one

withstanding every barrage

thrown at me

covering me through the fire

the storm, the fear

that threatened my very

life

You

are my protection

...the wall was never

really there at all, just

its illusion...

You

my hope, my freedom

You looked at me

I saw your hand

eternally reaching for mine

Hand in hand we walked

through the wall

into the light

into the space beyond

Immersion

the heartbeat quickens

all muscles tense

the breath is caught

in the chest and the heart aches

with its captivity

the mind the last hope

of freedom

the mind must make the muscles loosen

the breath flow out

and the heartbeat slow

the mind must speak so that the body

can be still, calm

so the soul may hear

its own yearning...

immersion

into that which it fears

is the soul's last hope of healing

the calm enters

the body floats

on a sea of surrender's potential

a sea of tears the heart pours forth

and the soul must journey

across it

to find a relinquishment sweet

and full

of all those lost things

that fear has stripped

away

the breath flows out

the heartbeat slows

and the soul may hear its yearning

yet

for the hope the heart pours forth

finds the freedom

of the mind

as the body floats in calm

waters cool and refreshing

restoring, resting

on that healing balm of comfort

of all those lost things

returned

Slowly Soaking Earth

that gentle rain falling

that slowly soaking earth

filling up with life giving

water

filling up with the hope

of lush green fields, the flowers

blossom

the fruit grown sweet

and heavy

full of life and gentle mercy

one precious drop at a time

time slowly filling

the barren earth

renewed

not one drop wasted

not one drop lost

the gentle rain is mercy

the gentle rain grows sweet

within the fruit

the life giving water

renews the promise of the earth

the promise of life within

the barren earth renewed

sweet mercy fills with hope

that slowly soaking earth

one precious drop

at a time

For the Taking

and it is right there

beneath the surface

teeming with a hunger

fulfilled, restored

in a realization

that it has always

been

laid out and ripe

for the picking

rich and succulent

birthright

brimming with joy and life

set free

in a feast of gratitude

and surrender

it has always been laid out

before us

indelibly united in us

it is right there

waiting

waiting for us to claim it

to set free our surrender

joy and gratitude

is ripe for the picking

it has always been

right there waiting

a realization of a hunger fulfilled,

restored, united in us

right there beneath the surface

break free

and claim it

it is yours for the taking...

One Breath

slowly being

brought back to life

one breath at a time

one motion

precedes the next

and grows upon itself

stronger, fuller

it spreads throughout

the whole body, beyond

the limits

are no more, boundaries

obliterated by the sound

of your Voice

slowly

being brought back

the breath vital

to the heart, the mind

the body beyond limits,

growing fuller, moving

through, out...

filling with the sound, the breath

spoken to the heart

spills out to the mind

the last bastion of resistance.

motion, crashing over and over

and over into

stillness

the sound a gentle hum

everything converging into one

breath

into where

resistance falls

into the stillness of all motion

and sound felt in the core

of being

slowly

one breath

spreads throughout, beyond

everything converging

into one brought back

to life

through the stillness

of your Voice the sound

is being

one brought back to life

speaks to the heart

the breath spills out

a gentle hum

precedes the next motion

to the body beyond limits

resistance falls

into your Voice

converging

being

one

   I've been trying to find my voice, trying to find a way to speak... And poetry has always been how I hear my thoughts.
   For the first time in my life, my poems have started to take on a voice of their own.  They have started demanding an audience.  However large or small that may be does not matter.  What matters is that these poems be set free, that they be put out there where they may have an opportunity to be heard.
   Poetry has become to me another way to pray.  It has become that sea of tears my soul must journey across...

   It is my hope with this blog to create a discussion through poetry.  Comments and reflections are most certainly welcomed, as well as reader's own poems if so desired.